Today was the first full day that the kids have been gone since December 19. That’s 21 days. 21 days that I have gotten to hang out with them, argue with them, make cookies with them, play games with them, watch movies with them, argue a little more with them, and enjoy them.
I’ve been trying to get more steps on my Fitbit so I have been periodically getting up from my desk this week and doing laps around the house. When the kids were home, I would stop in their rooms and interrupt their Netflix viewing and harass them about getting dressed or exercising or preparing for school.
Today when I visited their rooms, they were empty. I popped into Jillian’s quickly and noticed how neat and tidy and teenager-looking it was. Sketched pictures, bits of poetry tacked on the board, girly accessories everywhere.
Cassie’s room was a different story. As I stood in her doorway I couldn’t help but think what a picture of the stage of her life that it is. At 11-almost-12 she is in that stage my mom used to call “Too old for toys, too young for boys.” On the dresser and desk are all the things you would expect to see from a pre-teen or teenager–computer, tv, earring tree, lip gloss, etc.
But tucked away and popping out of little nooks here and there are the reminders of the age she is leaving–the one that I am not ready to give up. An American Girl doll I haven’t seen played with in a year is wrapped up in the pink blankie that Cassie used to never let out of her sight. A Woody doll with her name written on the bottom of the shoe. A random half-dressed Barbie.
It took everything in me not to curl up in her bed and hold onto her pillow and think about the little girl that she used to be and the woman that she will soon become.
As a society we seem to push our daughters to grow up faster and faster. Things my kids know at their age were things I didn’t learn until high school or beyond. I was still playing with Barbies when they are watching videos on YouTube. To some extent, you can help hold them back just a little, but you also have to let it happen.
It won’t be long before Cassie’s room is devoid of the pink blankie and any traces of dolls, just like Jillian’s room. Disney Princess posters are replaced with celebrities and pop culture. But I want to freeze this one moment in time and memorialize it both in picture and in writing. When the boys replace the toys I will enter a new phase of parenting.
Both girls can expect to be tackled at the door when they get home today. They’ll be a little confused about why I’m hugging them so much and giving them that “mom” look for no reason. Someday when they have kids of their own, they’ll understand.
I hate it when cliches are right. But they do grow up so fast. My daughter keeps reminding me she is graduating from high school in 5 months. Every time she says it, it’s like being jolted with the reality stick. It’s nice to have moments like you did that just call you to sit and linger in the youth for a bit.
I can SO relate to this right now!